It's very interesting... I'm reading The Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx and Fredreich Engels... I am neither a marxist nor a communist. Part of me wants to say i am a socialist, yet i refuse to be titled... Have no affiliation... I do, however, enjoy reading a book like this, being open, and having found some of their points very interesting... The working class, or lower class which is what i'll call it, not poor, but less benefits, will always remain the same. Reguardless, of economic facets or wordly situations... They all share this in common, which i, being a part of, thoroughly enjoy... It is not my desire to become rich, here on earth... I enjoy the idea of this class sharing what we have and i'm not exactly sure what category i have just placed myself into... The rich could be rich @ one moment, and then the next, lose everything. This is why it is crucial to place your heart on things that will outlast that of the world: i.e. Relationships, Love, Joy, Peace, etc. I would like, after i have graduated, to have a job that pays just enough for me to live and be happy... I would like to be around these people also, sharing life together... I don't want to be flashy, but simple - there are less distractions this way... In ten years, i would rather be happy, knowing what true Joy is, living in community with people who share the same quality, than being rich... I want to enjoy the life i've been given... I want to do what i was created to do... The day is a gift and i want to see it as this, rather than worry about paying off loans or bills... Living simply with pure focus will void distractions of the world, and allow one to become spiritually, and mentally free. this is the desire of the heart... Things i love to do, were placed in my heart for a reason... i'd rather take a picture, seeing things differently... i'd rather listen to music, letting my heart and mind be free... i'd rather read a book, entering into other dimensions... i'd rather be writing, talking about what i'm writing about than being trapped inside of an office building because i'd be making more money...
Right now, in this exact moment, i have been given a gift... Hell, i haven't been guarunteed the next 5 minutes... see life like this...
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Walking Together...
I'm considering creating another blog for what i am about to talk about, but since i don't have a seperate one right now for this topic, i'll use this one...
Yesterday, i left my family in Colorado to embark upon a journey that will be nothing short of an adventure... I am in Washington DC, a place that for me, has represented hope... when i had nothing else...
I met Jeff Spencer while living at a house located right on the south side of the Potomac River, directly across from "The District"... I lived in this house, along with 11 other guys for about a year... Living in this house, the things we learned, the things we talked about, have literally changed my outlook on life, and the way i behave... we studied the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, while trying to understand how to live in community, and love people, according to the way he lived... Jeff was my roommate for my time there... after a few months of living in the house, He and i started to spend mornings together, over coffee, and talking about what we had learned, were learning, and what we wanted to learn... after praying together, in general, we both felt that we wanted to "walk together"... what this meant, we weren't exactly sure of at the time... Jeff left the house at the beginning of August, and left for Connecticut to finish some of his schooling, and i left at the beginning of October to reunite with my family, who had just recently moved to Colorado... This was hard for both of use, because we knew we wanted to journey together, living in intense community, but the timing was not right... I was working, and spending some time with family, but that was about it... Jeff was studying, but that was about it... we began talking after a little while, about the idea that we had the past summer about walking together... the time by ourselves helped us realize how much relationships mean to both of us, and that following Jesus is the only way to live life... we began talking about a few ideas... i had asked jeff if he would like to come out to Colorado, but that wouldn't be the best... so, he just asked that we would keep talking, consistently, and pray about it... i brought up the idea, after praying and writing, of starting our "walk" in DC, where we had met, in order to be mentored from some older, wiser men, and then venture off somewhere else, where we could learn on our own, while still being in touch with the Family in DC... so, we brought up the idea to a spiritual leader of ours back in DC and he loved it... So, taking a leap of faith, i bought a ticket to DC without knowing where we were to stay and how we would make money... Jeff and i kept talking, thinking the time would never pass... Life, goals, dreams, walking together, becoming more united... we talked about thoughts, feelings, and anything we were going through, which is something we learned about while living together in DC prior to now... In order to know someone better, you must first open yourself to them, being vulnerable, hoping that in return they will do the same... however, if this doesn't happen, you yourself will grow... Jeff and I both showed eachother how to do this, and from doing so, we grew closer to eachother, and saw Jesus from our relationship... Because our faith in Jesus was growing, we began to have less worries, less concerns, and we were growing closer together...
Well, it is now January 11th, and i am sitting directly across from Jeff, and our walk has begun... we are applying for any job we can find, and still trying to find a semi-permanent place to stay for our short time here in DC... The goal is to do the same thing we did while living together at the house, yet outside of it... taking the same ideas, and following Jesus, together... We will be here in DC for around 3 months before moving to Tulsa, which is when the testing starts... we will be walking together from now, until we are both done with university schooling, which could be anywhere from 4 to 5 years... in tulsa, we will rent a house, have jobs, and go to a community college until we are ready to attend a full, four year university... we will have mentors and friends who share the same ideas we have...
I've been told i'm crazy from people i love and don't love... I've been told that if this isn't the right choice, that i could wound four years of my life... It's something that's hard to explain, however, it's hard to explain the steps one takes when following the voice of Jesus...
Our adventure has begun...
Yesterday, i left my family in Colorado to embark upon a journey that will be nothing short of an adventure... I am in Washington DC, a place that for me, has represented hope... when i had nothing else...
I met Jeff Spencer while living at a house located right on the south side of the Potomac River, directly across from "The District"... I lived in this house, along with 11 other guys for about a year... Living in this house, the things we learned, the things we talked about, have literally changed my outlook on life, and the way i behave... we studied the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, while trying to understand how to live in community, and love people, according to the way he lived... Jeff was my roommate for my time there... after a few months of living in the house, He and i started to spend mornings together, over coffee, and talking about what we had learned, were learning, and what we wanted to learn... after praying together, in general, we both felt that we wanted to "walk together"... what this meant, we weren't exactly sure of at the time... Jeff left the house at the beginning of August, and left for Connecticut to finish some of his schooling, and i left at the beginning of October to reunite with my family, who had just recently moved to Colorado... This was hard for both of use, because we knew we wanted to journey together, living in intense community, but the timing was not right... I was working, and spending some time with family, but that was about it... Jeff was studying, but that was about it... we began talking after a little while, about the idea that we had the past summer about walking together... the time by ourselves helped us realize how much relationships mean to both of us, and that following Jesus is the only way to live life... we began talking about a few ideas... i had asked jeff if he would like to come out to Colorado, but that wouldn't be the best... so, he just asked that we would keep talking, consistently, and pray about it... i brought up the idea, after praying and writing, of starting our "walk" in DC, where we had met, in order to be mentored from some older, wiser men, and then venture off somewhere else, where we could learn on our own, while still being in touch with the Family in DC... so, we brought up the idea to a spiritual leader of ours back in DC and he loved it... So, taking a leap of faith, i bought a ticket to DC without knowing where we were to stay and how we would make money... Jeff and i kept talking, thinking the time would never pass... Life, goals, dreams, walking together, becoming more united... we talked about thoughts, feelings, and anything we were going through, which is something we learned about while living together in DC prior to now... In order to know someone better, you must first open yourself to them, being vulnerable, hoping that in return they will do the same... however, if this doesn't happen, you yourself will grow... Jeff and I both showed eachother how to do this, and from doing so, we grew closer to eachother, and saw Jesus from our relationship... Because our faith in Jesus was growing, we began to have less worries, less concerns, and we were growing closer together...
Well, it is now January 11th, and i am sitting directly across from Jeff, and our walk has begun... we are applying for any job we can find, and still trying to find a semi-permanent place to stay for our short time here in DC... The goal is to do the same thing we did while living together at the house, yet outside of it... taking the same ideas, and following Jesus, together... We will be here in DC for around 3 months before moving to Tulsa, which is when the testing starts... we will be walking together from now, until we are both done with university schooling, which could be anywhere from 4 to 5 years... in tulsa, we will rent a house, have jobs, and go to a community college until we are ready to attend a full, four year university... we will have mentors and friends who share the same ideas we have...
I've been told i'm crazy from people i love and don't love... I've been told that if this isn't the right choice, that i could wound four years of my life... It's something that's hard to explain, however, it's hard to explain the steps one takes when following the voice of Jesus...
Our adventure has begun...
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Living
I am an extremely non-religious person... i was, however, raised in a christian home, and a christian school... i got both sides of the spectrum... my parents did a very good job, and are doing a good job, at raising four children... They have allowed each of us the freedom to not necessarily explore, but definitely to be open to what we believe in... The school i went to was though pretty legalistic... to some extent, it caused me to turn completely from all that i learned both in home and at school about the Truth... I do believe that each and everyone of us has an innate knowing of what is true and what is not true, since i believe we were all created by the deity known as God... I believe everyone was created, and is created out of his image... Everyone is created through him, by him, and for him... we were created by LOVE for relationship... i did, however, not believe the words i just said until fairly recently... it was only by being lost that i could be found, and only by feeling unloved that i could feel loved... it was by feeling broken that i could be put together...
After graduating from high school, i went on what i will call a search, and to some extent, somewhat of an adventure to say the least... I had a very short stint at Oral Roberts University, and didn't agree with a lot of the things they required of us, mainly because i was immature, but partly because i didn't believe in it... It just wasn't a good place for me... I was drifting away from what i believed in... it wasn't necessarily the things i was doing, but why i was doing them if you catch my drift... I believe that the world is grey... there are few blacks and whites, but ultimately, everyone lives by a different code that is written differently on each person's heart and soul... There are more than not that would disagree with me, but this is just what i believe to be true... After leaving ORU, i had the opportunity to move to DC for a short while, and decided it to be the best decision for the time being... I learned a lot there, but the hardest transition and longest transition is from one's head to one's heart, and i wasn't ready for the transition... So, after 4 very long months, it was decided that i should leave, which was better for everyone...
I then went to Tulsa, Oklahoma where i was raised and decided to be on my own, with a little help from my parents... Again, I did a lot of things that most people would frown upon, but some of them i don't believe were wrong, it was why i was doing them that was wrong, in my opinion... i began to become very careless with the way i was living, only thinking about myself and what i would do to make myself happy that day... it's a sick cycle that will eventually do nothing but kill your soul... I literally got sick of what and who i was becoming which was nothing... i decided to "clean up my act" as older, wiser people would say, but the only thing behavior modification does is change the outside of the body, and not the inside of one's soul, which is what happened to me... there's only so long someone can just be a good person before one sees there is more to life... it took a little while, but i did see it... I really enjoyed what i saw while being in DC and decided i needed to get away from friends, family, and what i was used to, so that i could gain some focus, or atleast simplify my life... Now, i know a lot about Jesus, and have studied his life, but never met him... i had many chances, and i believe he has had his hand on me for a long time, but i never made the decision to follow him... I began to loose focus of myself, and began to focus on him - on what he said, on what he did, basically on how he lived and who he was and decided to follow him... he saw my brokenness, my shame, my guilt, my sin, and how filthy of a person i had become, and he wanted all of it... i had absolutely nothing to offer him, but he still loved me no matter how far i had run from him... So, simply put I follow Jesus... I don't think, well i'm positive in fact that you wouldn't call me an ordinary christian, and in fact, i think i'm far from the status quo... but i'm different... i have a free spirit... i see things in a different light...
I believe everyone was created with different abilities and different loves for different things...
When i listen to music, it takes me to a different place then when, say, i'm at work... I enjoy everynote in every song, and every beat... i love hearing how people put things together - stories, memories, wants, thoughts into music... there's nothing else like it... i love looking through a camera lens and focusing on one object... it's like the world changes everytime i look through a lens... i love writing... i am the same person talking, yet differently when my hands touch a pen... i love being with family, sharing time... i love drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes at the same time... i love laying down in the grass on a 65 degree day, smelling the somewhat pure air...
If there's anything that i'm trying to say, it's this - live life... when you are riding in your car to work, turn the music all the way up and get lost... when you are playing sports, play as hard as you can, not to overpower anyone, but to use the ability you have... if you are a musician, every time you touch a guitar, drums, keyboard, bass etc., play is if you were playing in front of a crowd of a million people... on thanksgiving day, eat so much that the food piles up so high into your throat that if you were to take one more bite, it wouldn't go any farther than your adam's apple... on New Years day, go out with friends, celebrating another year, get a little buzz, and party so hard that you sleep in until 2 pm... Live with focus, but don't take life too seriously, you might not enjoy all of the gifts we've been given... Have character... The only thing we have here on earth that will outlast the earth is relationships... cherish them... life is a gift...
After graduating from high school, i went on what i will call a search, and to some extent, somewhat of an adventure to say the least... I had a very short stint at Oral Roberts University, and didn't agree with a lot of the things they required of us, mainly because i was immature, but partly because i didn't believe in it... It just wasn't a good place for me... I was drifting away from what i believed in... it wasn't necessarily the things i was doing, but why i was doing them if you catch my drift... I believe that the world is grey... there are few blacks and whites, but ultimately, everyone lives by a different code that is written differently on each person's heart and soul... There are more than not that would disagree with me, but this is just what i believe to be true... After leaving ORU, i had the opportunity to move to DC for a short while, and decided it to be the best decision for the time being... I learned a lot there, but the hardest transition and longest transition is from one's head to one's heart, and i wasn't ready for the transition... So, after 4 very long months, it was decided that i should leave, which was better for everyone...
I then went to Tulsa, Oklahoma where i was raised and decided to be on my own, with a little help from my parents... Again, I did a lot of things that most people would frown upon, but some of them i don't believe were wrong, it was why i was doing them that was wrong, in my opinion... i began to become very careless with the way i was living, only thinking about myself and what i would do to make myself happy that day... it's a sick cycle that will eventually do nothing but kill your soul... I literally got sick of what and who i was becoming which was nothing... i decided to "clean up my act" as older, wiser people would say, but the only thing behavior modification does is change the outside of the body, and not the inside of one's soul, which is what happened to me... there's only so long someone can just be a good person before one sees there is more to life... it took a little while, but i did see it... I really enjoyed what i saw while being in DC and decided i needed to get away from friends, family, and what i was used to, so that i could gain some focus, or atleast simplify my life... Now, i know a lot about Jesus, and have studied his life, but never met him... i had many chances, and i believe he has had his hand on me for a long time, but i never made the decision to follow him... I began to loose focus of myself, and began to focus on him - on what he said, on what he did, basically on how he lived and who he was and decided to follow him... he saw my brokenness, my shame, my guilt, my sin, and how filthy of a person i had become, and he wanted all of it... i had absolutely nothing to offer him, but he still loved me no matter how far i had run from him... So, simply put I follow Jesus... I don't think, well i'm positive in fact that you wouldn't call me an ordinary christian, and in fact, i think i'm far from the status quo... but i'm different... i have a free spirit... i see things in a different light...
I believe everyone was created with different abilities and different loves for different things...
When i listen to music, it takes me to a different place then when, say, i'm at work... I enjoy everynote in every song, and every beat... i love hearing how people put things together - stories, memories, wants, thoughts into music... there's nothing else like it... i love looking through a camera lens and focusing on one object... it's like the world changes everytime i look through a lens... i love writing... i am the same person talking, yet differently when my hands touch a pen... i love being with family, sharing time... i love drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes at the same time... i love laying down in the grass on a 65 degree day, smelling the somewhat pure air...
If there's anything that i'm trying to say, it's this - live life... when you are riding in your car to work, turn the music all the way up and get lost... when you are playing sports, play as hard as you can, not to overpower anyone, but to use the ability you have... if you are a musician, every time you touch a guitar, drums, keyboard, bass etc., play is if you were playing in front of a crowd of a million people... on thanksgiving day, eat so much that the food piles up so high into your throat that if you were to take one more bite, it wouldn't go any farther than your adam's apple... on New Years day, go out with friends, celebrating another year, get a little buzz, and party so hard that you sleep in until 2 pm... Live with focus, but don't take life too seriously, you might not enjoy all of the gifts we've been given... Have character... The only thing we have here on earth that will outlast the earth is relationships... cherish them... life is a gift...
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