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I'm in Tulsa... sitting in shades of brown coffee shop, free wi-fi, amazing coffee... peace... i'm supposed to be looking for a job, which soon, very soon, i have every intention of doing, because i need to pay for rent, and food, and any other expenses that may decide to join the band-wagon... i am on my own now... cut off, financially from my family... cut off relationship-wise to my christian family back in DC... i was treated wrongly... When they taught of loving, no matter what, they kick me out of a house that i was part of for over a year, because they felt the decision i hade made to move to tulsa was wrong... i immediately felt like an outcast... like i had cut all ties, which deep down, i sometimes wanted to do all along... I'm listening to Bob Marley, "Don't Worry"... I feel the past three years, sometimes, to be a failure in almost every way imaginable... i got released from Oral Roberts University, before i could even finish my freshman year... which in some senses was almost a "season of awakening" to me... i was exposed to, probably more than i wanted to be, but it happened... i then left for Washington DC, as suggested by parents and other "older-wisers". the first time there was a failure... i broke one of the "house rules" by getting drunk one night with a few of my "brothers"... i was "bused" back to Oklahoma with 40 dollars and told that they wish me well... i emmediately fell into a different life... i was kicked out of my house and forced to live with friends... this was definitely different... life on the go... late nights... sleeping... spending time together... working occasionally... experimenting... some of it good, some of it bad... i lived with my girlfriend for a short period... it ended bad... i moved back in with my family... yet, once again, couldn't get away from this life i had experimented with... once again, sent to Washington DC, i think, in hopes that i would once again be directed to a differtnt life... it definitely changed my outlook on life... i literally met Jesus... i actually met him, in a way i can't describe, nor do i feel i need to... it was real though... i would now begin to see things in his eyes, through his eyes... treat people differently... i strived, and still do strive to live like this... i moved from DC to colorado last october, to meet back up with my family... they had recently moved from tulsa to Denver... i was there for a short time, once again, exposing myself to a few things i hadn't seen before, but will fail to mention here... i then decided to "walk" with a brother from DC for a while... i however, broke the commitment after less than a month because we simply saw things differently, for a time... i left DC this past monday, and am now here in tulsa...