eyes

Why do i still keep doing the things i hate?... Why haven't i giveneverything over to the Lord?... Why is it so hard for me to let go?...
I keep living the life worthy of being called a hypocrite, and i guess that's what i deserve. I keep thinking about breaking the rules that i have promised i would keep. It makes me sick inside. My soul is so thirsty. I'm parched. I'm not filled and it is my desire to have this. I'm hungry and i'm not feeding myself enough. Well, i'm feeding myself, but with junk food. I'm not giving my body protein, or what is necessary for me to live. I'm breathing in the wrong air. I need oxygen from the one who gives it. I'm gasping. I can't keep living like this. I'm stuck on this path. He's holding my hand, waiting for me to take the giant leap, and i know he won't let go. But i have one hand in his palm, and the other is in the pot of things holding me down. Why can't i just give up and give in? Have the faith of a child? I have experienced his grace, but i'm not living like i have. He has forgiven for so much wrongdoing. I don't deserve someone like this. A lover who won't stop loving me. He watches my every move. He's on my side, but why don't i act like it? I don't feel worthy to be called his child, but i most definitely am. We are made perfect in his sight.
I want these eyes.